Let's Wear Purple!

Let’s wear purple for the fallen boys, who couldn’t stand up to the mean, big, bad, bullies. Let’s honor and revere their decision to end their lives in a cowardly display of selfishness and self pity. Let us raise a cup to their act of self termination and look down upon those evil, deplorable specters that haunted their lives. Let us teach our young children that it’s ok to falter under pressure, and to point blame at others for your own cowardly, selfish actions. Let us paint their tormentors as evil, heartless people who wished nothing but harm to any and all around them. Let us pin all blame and point all fingers to the tormentors direction, for surely it was they that pulled the trigger, tied the rope, slipped the pills, or administered the slashes.

Let’s raise a cup to those poor, hurt boys, who on April the fourth, after being pushed, bullied, and tormented took weaponry to school and ended so many lives, the lives of those who looked down on them, and were ultimately driven to end their own, miserable existence, for surely all those who are bullied and take extreme measures to escape should be honored.

I say no.

I say wear purple for the rights of all humans, men and women, for all life styles and choices. That is what makes the ideals that were set forth by the founding fathers so potent, even hundreds of years after they were first conceived. I say we raise those among us who, despite adversity and desperation, stood and refused to be broken, we honor them. Whether homosexual, heterosexual, transsexual, bisexual, white, black, yellow, and every color between, I say we call dishonor and weakness what it is, and strength and determination should in their place be honored.

I disagree with the actions of the so called “bullies” whatever it is that they had enacted to so dishearten others. I do not, however, disagree on the basis that they people who ultimately took such severe action were gay. I disagree on the basis that as humans, do we not all deserve the basic rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? By demeaning another, we remove those unalienable rights, and by taking one’s own life, you prove you did not deserve those rights by refusing to use and appreciate them.

Wear purple, or don’t, for whatever reason you find fitting for you, after all, that is your right to have your opinion and mind set. I’m for the rights of humans, no matter what or who they may be, but I make a stand for those who will use and appreciate those rights, not those who, in times of adversity, laid down and gave up.

The Call That Changed The World

It was a regular day, full of regular shit, wake up, down a Monster Java energy drink, along with my pain meds, rush out the door for work. At work, follow the usual schedule, and at lunch hit up the Cafe, Natures Table, for a double bacon cheeseburger and an order of chili cheese fries. They have a reputation at Natures table for having a strange pricing scheme, anything you'd think should be four, maybe five bucks with tax, say a sandwich, is usually seven bucks. Something like a double bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries? Seven bucks, plus tax. The whole time the owner, Jeremy I think his name is, gives you this cheesy grin if he's in a good mood and is busy explaining how he got a new card reader for debit and credit transactions. He made my food, I pay attention at the bare minimum, get my card back, decline the receipt, and walk away with my spoils to the comfy couch where I chow down. Another couple of the pain meds, washed down with some Mt. Dew.

Off work, finally, and the ride home goes quickly. I arrive inside my apartment, all nice and quiet, and my stomach tells me "hey, you know I'm not hungry or anything, but if you want to feed me, well I'm not gonna complain." I comply with it's wishes, break out a "Home Style Bake" meal in a box, throw it together, and consume. I've read the box before, it says something about how it feeds a family, and I just giggle at that, as I finish licking the bowl clean. A couple more pain meds, and as the zonked out feeling sinks in I find my usual place on the couch, and zone into the T.V. and Facebook. Another usual day, in an other wise usual week, in an otherwise usual month. Facebook has the usual cascade of crap on it. Updates about shit I couldn't care less about, but comment on anyway. In doing this I'm removed from the thought of just how miserable and depressed I am. My little brother pops up, we have the usual talk about loathing humanity, and joke a few times. This is our custom, we never go right into the serious stuff, always small talk around for a bit, then get to business. He goes into how my leg is doing. I mention as usual, it hurts, and I'm annoyed by it. Jax says mom wants him to talk about my health. I know what this translates to: Mom, Paige and he are all worried about me. They don't want me to turn into one of those people you see on peopleofwalmart.com in the special little scooter that looks about ready to fall apart if for nothing else, out of spite. I think, ah, my adopted family, what would I do without them.

About a month ago, the weather changed. As is the usual, when the weather changes, my leg goes nuts because of an old injury. When I was 9, I was trying to climb a tree with the help of my friends dad. He had my foot in his hands, and about 3 feet up the tree, my fear of heights woke up and went into immediate red alert. After I asked to get down, my friends dad says he'll let me go. The usual process involves a graceful drop that ends in me walking away with a tad bit of shame, but otherwise uninjured. The roots of the tree seemed to have a sense of revenge, being that I didn't want to climb, and caught my foot as I contacted the ground, bending my left foot to the left, and putting the full brunt of the landing on my ankle. One shattered ankle, split tibia, dislocated knee, shredded muscles, torn achilles tendon, and massive nerve damage later, I have some awesome pain in my leg every so often. At first I ignored the pain, like I usually do, and figured it'd go away soon, like it usually does after I limp for a few days. A week later, the pains worse than it's ever been, and the doctor thinks my nerves are fried and was so kind as to provide some pain meds to take the edge off. This is what led to the conversation with my little brother.

Together, myself and my brother worked out a plan. Cut down carbs to a minimum, protein upped, and portion control. We agree to go shopping that Friday after we're off work. He has me load up on veggies, fruit, leafy stuff, chicken, tuna, turkey. No boxed meals, no pasta, no mass amounts of junk food and Totino's pizza. I'm game, I want the change and I really love the idea of getting into a healthier lifestyle. What I love even more is the thought that maybe, just maybe, by getting the weight off, and being a tad healthy that I won't be on these pills the rest of my days, and even better be the one taking the pictures at Wal-Mart, instead of being the feature on the front page of a degrading web site.

I wake up, drink a black cup of coffee, along with chowing down a single egg, wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla. A couple of the pain meds, still a necessary evil, washed down with a glass of water. I pack lunch, a pack of tuna, this ones sweet and spicy, some lettuce, sliced tomato and a bit of shredded cheese. I walk out the door and head to work. I feel better. It's been a week since I started the change, and I feel lighter, happier, and more rested. It's still a long way to go, but when I walk into the mall, and realize I really want one of those super salty, buttered up pretzels with extra nacho cheese, but I don't really need it and I'd rather have my cup of peaches that I have waiting for me at home, I feel accomplished. When I'm offered Chinese take out, pizza, or my old friend, the double bacon cheese burger, I think of how I was feeling just a week ago, and decide that it feels a million times better to have my tuna wrapped up in my whole wheat tortilla.

So here's to you, Jax, Mom, Paige, Momma, and every one at work who has helped support me so far, and here's to me too. I'm going to try and keep up with things as they come on here. I've traveled this road before, I know it's not all fun and games, that it's a hard, harsh road at times, but maybe I believe I deserve this, I deserve to feel good about me, and about my life. Time to turn the page. If any one else who stumbles on this and happens to be in the same spot, well I have no illusions here, this probably won't change some one's life, but if it lets some one know they aren't alone that'd be cool too.

Turn the page.